So, your first date went pretty well, and you feel like you might have found the one. The second date goes nicely too, now you feel like a happily-ever-after might be just around the corner. When the third date is another success, your heart starts dancing a beat. The sun is shinier, the skies are bluer, and things feel like they’re on the up and up. Everything’s just wonderful, isn’t it?
Well, at this point, just when you’re beginning to feel the love in the air, things start to change. The relationship you felt was so promising starts feeling less secure, and the person you’re going out with suddenly seems non-committal. If you’ve ever been there, and a lot of us have, it looks like you might’ve played the victim to a serial dater.
What’s A Serial Dater?
Well, a serial dater is basically someone who’s in love with the journey but not the destination. The serial dater loves the process of dating, especially the idea of meeting new people, but they aren’t really interested in any long-term relationships. Now that’s just fine, but where the serial dater goes wrong is not telling the person they’re dating that they’re not looking for anything serious. That’s why serial daters often end their relationships with heartbreak for the other person.
Serial daters love the feeling of the chase, enjoy the thrills of the first few dates, and have fun getting to know new people, but they generally vanish as soon as they feel like they’ve gotten what they wanted out of the person they were dating. That can lead to a lot of hurt for whoever was on the other side of the relationship.
So how can you spot a serial dater and save yourself from inevitable heartbreak? Well, there are a bunch of signs you can watch out for.
The Signs of A Serial Dater
1. A Significant Dating History
A serial dater is by definition someone who moves quickly from one relationship to another, mostly in the early days of dating. They’re not looking for anything long-term, and might even be dating more than one person at the same time. Since dating new people is what drives them, they rarely stick to one person for more than a few dates (that’s as far as the fun goes for them). And that’ll obviously mean they’ll have a pretty long dating history. So, if you meet someone who seems to have way more experiences with other people than you’d expect at their age, definitely take that as a red flag.
2. An Aversion To Commitment
Serial daters are notorious commitment-phobes. For them, relationships start with fun, casual dates, and also end with fun, casual dates, and they’ll rarely go further than that. What that means is this: they won’t ever look for opportunities to strengthen their bonds with you, and they definitely won’t try to go any further with the relationship than they already have. You won’t be able to count on them for anything; they just won’t be dependable. So, if you feel like the person, you’re seeing is only interested in having fun and that’s all that seeing you means to them, take that as a warning!
3. A Pattern of Diminishing Interest.
Serial daters are in it for the rush- they date to get the charge of being with someone new. Of course, people don’t stay new for long, so serial daters typically start losing interest once they feel like they’ve gotten used to whoever they’re dating. You’ll typically find them much more energetic during the first few dates than they are later on; their interest just dies out with time. And once they start feeling that way, they get ready to move on. So, if you feel like the other person is losing interest in you very quickly, be on guard!
4. Fair Weather Friends
Serial daters are fair-weather friends: they’ll disappear at the first sign of trouble. They’re just not the kind to stick around, since they don’t value their relationships enough to be there for their partners. Basically, you can’t count on them, cause they’ll disappear like lightning the moment they feel like the fun’s about to end. Don’t put up with people who aren’t going to stand with you through thick and thin!
5. Roving Eyes
Serial daters are in love with dating, not with their dates, so they’ll always be on the lookout. Once they’ve been in one relationship for more than a bit, they’ll start looking for other people to date, and they generally mark their next targets before they’re even through with their current relationship. If you feel like your partner is more interested in being with other people, consistently, you can take that as a sign they’re a serial dater and that they’ve moved on.
6. Quickly Getting Bored
Serial daters have short attention spans. They’re habitual relationship-jumpers, and pretty soon they’ll get tired of whoever they’re dating at any given point. When they do, the things that used to excite them in the first few dates will start irritating them, and they’ll start looking bored. Be ready if you see this pattern!
Remember to watch out for the tell-tale signs of a serial dater, recognize their patterns, and save yourself the tears. However, don’t be discouraged if you do meet one - just get on #NticeMe and restart your journey!